welcome home my church – painful

As I said last week, we as a church want to start a process of thinking about what our dream is for church 2028. What should our church 2028 look like. And you are invited to join us in praying and thinking and sharing your thoughts with us. We would like to present this at the next AGM on July 3rd. And how can you do this:

Write your thoughts in keywords on small pieces of paper, one keyword, one sentence that is self-explanatory.

For example: I dream that in 2028 my neighbor will sit next to me in the service.

Or: I dream of mentoring someone in 2028, etc.

And then put these slips of paper in the back of my parish folder, or if you’re not there just send me an email. You can find my email on our homepage.

Last week we started our new service series welcome home my church.

Jesus invites us: Welcome home in my church. And we invite other people: welcome home to my community.

Last week it was about how God designed church beautifully, that it is shaped by deep communion with Jesus, by teaching that has an impact on everyday life, by warm love, solidarity with one another and helpfulness and that Jesus sees the church as his bride, whom he is preparing to marry him. That’s a cool picture.

And I remember Benjamin showing us pictures of many things to make it clear that whatever he thinks up, he makes it beautiful.

But unfortunately that is only half the truth. Because we marvel at the beautiful nature, our hearts open and we destroy it on the other side. We enjoy beautiful old houses and at the same time people live in run-down slums that get dirty and plagues spread.

Maybe you also enjoy a beautiful car or motorcycle. But it’s also painful to see when the things we enjoy break, and maybe even harm people in the process

We love cute babies, but the journey to get there is very painful.

Finally, God designed something beautiful about family, about friendship, about marriage too, but they also have their painful sides.

And there we are at the picture that we started with, with the church as the bride.

And in the same way, congregation, church not only has beautiful sides, but it is also painful. We need to talk about it, we can’t just keep quiet about it, because it’s a need for those in pain to deal with it, and maybe you’re one of them this morning.

In recent years, various pastors of megachurches have been in the media for their misconduct. Whenever a leader falls as an example, the faith of many others suffers as well. There is currently a discussion about unhealthy structures at Hillsong and how they treat employees. Again and again there are those who leave churches and report about their problems. I don’t want to point fingers at anyone. I believe every one of us is at risk, myself included, and it is the grace of God that we are and remain with him and that he saves us from some mistakes and some guilt. And we as a church and as individuals have our stories too.

There is a great pain where congregations go theological ways that I can’t go with them.

Controversy that divides entire communities.

Spiritual and physical abuse.

Narrow doctrine that paints a wrong image of God for me from prohibitions and commandments and fear of not going to heaven and having to please God through performance.

Employees who are exploited and worn down.

But there’s also the everyday pain, and it’s no less, where church should be a family that I long for but can’t find because I can’t get into it and develop deep relationships.

There are misunderstandings, disagreements, arguments, bad-mouthing behind the back, I am rejected, overlooked, forgotten and hurt.

None of this should happen at home. All of that shouldn’t be in God’s church.

And yet it happens, and it hurts.

And it leads to people sitting in our churches who are hurting, who are powerless, who have lost their joy in the church and in Jesus and are struggling for it, who may be wondering where Jesus was or is right now. There are people who have withdrawn inwardly and look at everything from a certain distance, people who have put on a mask, who go along with everything and sing along because that’s how you do it, but on the inside it looks completely different. And there are people who go and leave church, live faith alone or turn their backs on faith altogether.

The first thing I want to say to you this morning if you’ve had any of the hurting experiences I’ve described, or maybe something completely different, I’m sorry .

I’m so sorry that you experienced this pain through church, through community. And in the name of God I want to ask your forgiveness. I have experienced this pain myself, but I also know that I have hurt others as well, and I am sorry for that. It’s not what God intended it to be.

But why is it that church is not only beautiful but also painful?

We read in the Bible on the first pages that sin destroys the fellowship between us and God. Sin, that’s my rebellion against God, to think I know better than to want to have life in my own hands than to trust in him. Sin is all behavior that is not pleasing to God, that is not right in His eyes, and we see the effects of that in our world and in our own lives.

Sin affects creation. Paul writes in Romans that creation also groans. Look around you, we are experiencing this.

Sin negatively affects our character.

Galatians 5:19-21 :

Church is made up of people. There are also people in the church who do not ask for God’s will, who follow their own agenda and simply abuse the Bible as an instrument of power.

But even we, who are in a relationship with Jesus, are not perfect people all of a sudden. We make mistakes, we don’t always ask for God’s will either, unconsciously and sometimes consciously.

When we are together there are different opinions and injuries happen wherever people are out and about together. The difference is that the Holy Spirit lives within us, who wants to guide and change us and where we know that if we make mistakes and ask God to forgive our sins, God will forgive us. That’s why Jesus died on the cross and we can claim that for ourselves personally, again and again, but maybe today for the first time. That we confess to Jesus that we incur guilt and claim His forgiveness and invite Him to guide and transform us, little by little.

There is another dimension to why injuries also happen in church, because the devil, God’s opponent, tries to destroy the beautiful things that God creates. He doesn’t want us personally and church to thrive and be so attractive to other people.

God sees the church as beautiful, as His Bride that He is working on. We must not lose sight of this. At the same time, however, church is described in the Bible with another image: As a build.

At our swimming pool, 3 houses have been built in the last few months. A lot of work was done there. A good foundation laid, the walls raised, the roof put on, cables laid, the interior fittings, windows in, plastered on the outside. Now the outdoor facilities.

When the Bible speaks of the church as a building, it means:

A building is not finished, we are not finished. A building is dirty. Where wood is chopped, splinters must fall.

But there is a promise:

Then his bride will stand before him in immaculate beauty. Each one of us and the worldwide church of Jesus. God’s desire is to heal, to change, to shape our character, to give freedom and a new togetherness that reflects him. And that is also my wish for this morning and we prayed that you would gain a piece of healing, forgiveness, freedom, joy and new love for God and for your neighbor.

I asked myself how we can deal with these painful experiences of church and I would like to give you 5 steps:

1. Look behind

What do I mean?

The church is not God, people are not God.

Just as in the Middle Ages people had to look behind everything people did in the name of the church, so we must learn to look behind everything people say, what people do. We need to look to the Bible and discover what God is like and we need to understand that if God’s ground staff sometimes reflects so little of Him, God is different.

I know that sometimes it’s so difficult to separate them, because then all the questions arise that also arise in connection with suffering, where God was and why he allowed it. There isn’t always an answer to that. But I do remember a strong account from a person who experienced pain at the hands of a perceived Christian. Who suffered from it for years and wondered where Jesus was until he gave her an inner picture of the fact that Jesus was teasing her at that moment. And she could see his tears at what people do to each other because God gives us free will, but how he suffers and doesn’t leave us alone. This person experienced healing when they started

King David experienced much suffering himself.

He was also king, but before he was king he had to experience how his family left him alone with the sheep, at night, lonely, dark, fighting lions and bears. Later, his own son attempted a coup and he had to flee his palace.

This David writes:

Psalm 23 : The Lord is my shepherd. Even if I have to go through the dark valley, I fear no harm because you are with me.

Psalm 34:9 O fear the LORD, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him.

The Psalms are a good book to express our pain when we may not have the words ourselves. They encourage us to seek closeness to God. he is there

And so Jesus invites us personally: Come to me, all of you who are toiling and suffering under your burdens! I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

He bore our pains, says the prophet Isaiah. Jesus invites you this morning to look beyond and come to Him with your painful experiences of church.

2. Learn to distinguish

Learn to distinguish where the pain you are feeling is coming from. Because there are pains in the community, they are legitimate, they have their justification, they even belong to a certain extent to the church. If church is like a building, then we are not the builder, but God. And there are certain standards and guidelines that He gives us in His Word. They are different than the people around us have them. They may even be different from our own and we come across them at some point while reading the Bible, in a sermon, in a small group discussion.

Important: These are God’s standards, not our man-made standards.

And now the question is: How do I deal with it?

 

Paul writes in Romans 12:2 : And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

It can be painful when I see things differently, to accept that God sees things differently and to accept that. Or if I don’t want to accept that there are limits to unity in a community and that one might not come together.

But not everything is laid down in the Bible. Forms, styles, there is a great deal of freedom. But when 100 people come together, they have 100 opinions and ways, and maybe a church in a freedom goes a way where you would do it differently. And even then it can be painful to learn to classify oneself and not withdraw offended, but to recognize that there are other good paths than yours. But if we look at Jesus and the commission he gives us, then unity is possible despite and in all differences.

A third area where pain is part of the church, so to speak:

So I brought you another picture: A man training in the gym.

We saw earlier that God wants to change our sinful character. And change always hurts. It’s like building muscle. It doesn’t work without training.

God’s Spirit works in us if we let it, but we must support it. It sometimes hurts to be confronted with myself, to realize what I have inside, and then to listen to God’s words in everyday life, while reading the Bible, and to do what he tells me.

And often he uses other people from whom I can learn.

Proverbs 27:17 : Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

That’s not always pleasant. But I don’t learn love there, for example, where everyone around me is lovable and nice anyway, but exactly where I am challenged to love the other person because he is different from me and maybe even a bit strange. These forms of pain are inherent in the Church and it is important that we learn to distinguish them from the rest.

3. Do it for jesus

As a true fan of a team, you’re totally passionate. You support the team, you try to be there at the games, you buy fan articles. Conversely, this also means that you feel particularly sorry for your team. When they’re relegated, when they narrowly miss out on the championship. That doesn’t leave you cold.

The follower fans are different. They look at everything from a distance. They rejoice a little and suffer a little, but it doesn’t bother them much.

If you love Jesus, then you also love his church because he loves it. You care about how the church is doing, how it’s developing. You get involved and try to make a difference. You take on responsibility and maybe even manage a job, a department.

 But it is precisely when you are so committed that you may suffer particularly.

When I thought about this, the prophets in the Old Testament immediately came to mind. They were so passionate. And what they suffered because the people of Israel didn’t want to hear anything about their message, about God’s message.

What they suffered to see the people run to their doom.

What they have suffered at being ridiculed and even imprisoned for the message of God.

I had a conversation like this with someone just last week. You get involved and nobody says thank you. It is taken for granted. In the worst case, you will be left in the lurch, others will stab you in the back, you will be criticized unfairly. You try to move something and nobody pulls along. One suffers, hopes and is disappointed. And the danger is great that you give up and give up.

Of course, it may be that you have pushed your limits and need to talk about what is healthy. Of course, you have to address what wasn’t right or didn’t go well. Of course we need praise and thanks from others.

But ultimately, I want to encourage you, and that’s what I said to the person: Do it for Jesus.

I keep noticing: If I only do it for people, then that’s not enough in the long run.

I would like to hear from Jesus when I stand before him one day, that he says:

His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Matthew 25:23

It’s all about this. Not what people say, but what Jesus says. Our reward awaits us in heaven.

I think we need to keep that motivation in mind. This helps us to stick with painful experiences and not give up too quickly. Likewise, we can learn from pain how we would like others to treat us, how to treat them.

4. Name guilt and live forgiveness

God desires for us to live in good and settled relationships with one another. That means when we have painful experiences and are hurt, have a conflict with someone, speak up and try to work it out. Depending on the severity of the injury, this will not always be possible, sometimes the other person is not ready for it either. But the point here is not, as is customary in some circles, to cover everything in a cloak of silence and simply demand that the other person forgive.

Jesus tells his disciples in a specific context:

So the goal is to win the brother. Don’t win yourself. Don’t get rid of anger. But restore the relationship. If the other person won’t let you talk to them, then take someone else with you. Depending on the conflict, you may also need to bring in a mediator.

Conversely, the same applies:

 23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; 24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

Jesus speaks here of an Old Testament service. And he makes it clear that God places the interpersonal higher than the religious. When we celebrate the Lord’s Supper together, Paul emphasizes in this context that the Lord’s Supper is not only a sign of remembrance of Jesus’ death and resurrection, but also a sign of our fellowship with one another and that we should examine ourselves to see whether we are doing cleansing in this Live relationships with each other and if not, clarify it with each other beforehand, if possible.

On the one hand, this means addressing injuries, misconduct and guilt, if possible promptly, and not eating everything and at some point everything old comes up on the table that others have long forgotten. To also reflect, I have a part in it, did I hurt the other person too, and then to take responsibility for my part and apologize. Knowing that each of us is always capable of hurting the other and not just being hurt makes us humble in our attitude towards the other and how we then address things.

Paul writes in Ephesians 4:15:

For the other side, it means taking the person’s feelings seriously, listening to them and trying to understand the other person. What is he thinking, what are his motives. what does he feel

Admit your own wrongdoing and apologize for it.

Regardless of whether the other person recognizes his wrongdoing and apologizes or not, Jesus invites us:

Forgiveness is not something I can demand or put pressure on the other person to do. Rather, it is an invitation from Jesus. He warns us: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

It’s like a splinter in my hand. Think again of the picture with the thorns from the beginning. It hurts to remove the splinter, but if I don’t, it might be fine for a while. But at some point the wound starts to become inflamed and pus comes out.

Jesus knows if I don’t forgive, then bitterness will grow in my life like this pus. And this bitterness messes up my whole life. It’s like a prison I’m stuck in. Forgiveness first helps me and not at all the other to experience freedom again.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that I forget everything. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we’ll be best friends again either. Sometimes this is possible, but not always. But forgiveness helps me to be able to meet the other person again without carrying the pain and hate around all the time, but to become free.

Forgiveness is a decision I make to forgive the other and leave the rest to God. He will ensure justice, if not here then in heaven at the latest. Sometimes it takes time before we are ready to forgive. But maybe that’s exactly what’s in store for you this morning in the painful experiences. Maybe to open the wound of the injuries again, even if it hurts, and to say: Yes, I finally forgive. God help me to deal with my feelings, because they say something else. But I want to take your word for it. And you know, sometimes you have to keep saying that over and over again until your feelings experience that freedom too, because forgiveness is a path and not a point.

I am impressed by a person from the Old Testament. A young man sold as a slave by his own family who comes to Egypt and eventually rises from slave to second most powerful man there. When a famine hits and his family finally stands in front of him without recognizing him and begs for food, this man Joseph would have had every opportunity to take revenge for what they did to him. But he didn’t. Instead, he cared for her and took her under his protection.

You planned evil for me, but God turned it for good; because he wanted to save the lives of many people in this way. That was his plan, and that’s how it happened. Genesis 50:20

Joseph trusted that God was in control and had a plan in everything and that he would use what his family had done to him for good. So he could live an attitude of forgiveness.

Anne Graham Lotz writes in her book Hurt and Disappointed :

Let go of the past so you can move forward and be free to whatever God has in store for you.

Release your grudges about the way you were treated.

Release your bitterness towards other people who have given you a wrong image of God.

Let go of your unforgiveness towards people who have hurt you.

Let go of the hardness of your heart toward people who have rejected you.

Let go of the overwhelming desire to justify your own actions and chew through the actions of others.

Let go of resentment or desire for retribution.

Release your grudge against God who allowed you to be wounded.

Let go of the life of your former dreams that has now been clouded by other people.

Just let go.

Let go of yesterday to live today.

Maybe that’s one of the beautiful things about church, that forgiveness and a new beginning is possible and we can know that God can also use our wounds and our pain for something good.

So the last step is:

5. Open yourself up to God’s Church

God loves his church. He made her beautiful even if she is painful at times. But Jesus will make sure that she will stand before him perfect and spotless. He is admonishing us not to leave the meetings because he knows that we need the fellowship to keep faith and encourage one another but also admonish to grind as we saw earlier.

Yes, there is a limit: If a church leaves the Bible as a basis or has been at odds for a long time and my faith suffers as a result, it is good at some point to look for a new church. Even if that hurts. You don’t just change your home. But the Bible makes it clear that we need church in some form, whether it’s like this or a small group. It is not an option in God’s eyes not to have a church as a person who lives with Him. Maybe for a time of healing and orientation yes.

And God doesn’t want us to withdraw or put on a mask like I said at the beginning. He longs for us, and His desire is that we, too, discover and experience the beauty of Church that He has in mind for us. And where we don’t have that right now, we can ask God for this view of his church, for new love and passion, that we get involved and help shape the church for his glory.

It’s like in a relationship where I have to decide again and again to open up and not to distance myself and to hold out to God, to let him heal my wounds. And he wants to do that this morning.

I believe this is a sacred moment. We’re just going to have a quiet time right now with just some music playing and where you can talk to God about where you’ve experienced pain through church, through Christians. If it’s important to you, ask Jesus to show you where He was in that moment, and then let go and forgive that person. Jesus, I forgive xy for… And I let go.

And when you realize that this pain, these wounds have robbed you of your love and your passion for God’s Church, then ask Jesus to give it to you anew. Holy Spirit, we invite you, you want to give us freedom. Speak to us and work among us.