«I wanted to know if God is real»
Fatima Devanbeigi is growing up in Iran. She strives to be a good Muslim, but God seems so far away and so little tangible. In her she carries a deep yearning for the truth and for God. Finally, she finds what she was looking for.
My parents were Muslim, so I too was a Muslim. I never consciously chose this belief, it was just that.
Although we were religious, I carried a weight in me, as if I had a boulder in my heart. He was so real and so painful. He pulled me down and stopped me from being happy. I felt so hopeless and it seemed like there was no way out.
What is the truth?
From an early age I wondered if God really exists. I spent hours imagining what God looks like. How he is. But in Islam you can not ask such questions. That’s a taboo. Anyone who begins to have such thoughts is considered unbelievers.
Allah was hard for me to grasp. He was so distant. Nobody knew who he really is. Nobody knew his nature. Nobody knew what he was up to. Not even the Prophet And Muhammad had known God personally or had any relationship with him. You also did not have the assurance that you would go to heaven, no matter how religious you are and how much you try to be good.
Deep yearning for God
My longing for God was so great that I tried in all possible ways to get hints about him. I tried divination and learned to read coffee grounds. But it did not help. God seemed so far away.
At some point, I thought: Either God is so complicated that I’ll never understand Him, or He’s right in front of me and I’m not in a position to recognize Him. It was awful. I implored God to show himself to me. Where should I just look?
The following night, I dreamed of Jesus. We went for a walk in a beautiful rose garden. He looked at me and asked, “Would you like to come with me?” I wanted and he said, “Then follow me.”
For a long time I thought about the dream and did not understand it. How should I follow a prophet who lived many years ago? How should I follow a person at all and not instructions? Why did Jesus say that to me?
From then on, I kept dreaming of Jesus, of God and of churches.
God is real
At the age of 20, I moved to the US and a colleague told me about Jesus. He said he found joy and peace through him. That was exactly what I was looking for. So I went to church for the first time.
There, a woman spoke to me, asking me if I wanted to invite Jesus into my life. I definitely wanted to try that. If he is not the truth, I would notice that.
On that day, I gave Jesus the guidance in my life and became a Christian. And that changed me. My heavy heart, this edgy, painful chunk in me was suddenly gone. Instead, I felt an eternal and deep hope bubbling up in me, true joy and peace entered my heart. Jesus was the answer to my yearning.
I want to encourage you to just try it with Jesus. Dare to look for him! He can be found and personally met. Open your heart to God. Invite Jesus to dwell in your heart and find out for yourself whether Jesus is real or not.
* Name changed for security reasons
Author: Miriam Hinrichs
Source: jesus.ch / cbn.com