DO NOT BE AFRAID!
In my young days I dealt with all sorts of religions …
So a little mystical was cool then …
I had a pretty modest childhood behind me, to put it nicely …
Strong inferiority drove me into crime … there I made „career“ …
At that time I still did not understand that forced and enforced respect brought no recognition that I needed so much …
I got pretty „high“ in the underworld … but this „career“ only dragged me deeper into my own misery and my growing disgust for myself …
When I wagged the bills, I had hundreds of „friends“ but not one I could trust.
In the midst of these „glittering“ times of „success,“ „power,“ „wealth,“ and the glittering lifestyle party, I was lonely, empty, trapped in mistrust, impoverished by hope and trust. My desire for recognition brought me only self-hatred before I wanted to flee. I made another big „thing“ and fled to Brazil to secure my prey and start over. The stupid only …. you can not escape from yourself.
Like I said, because it was cool and I was looking for something, I was dealing with many different religions – Christianity seemed to me the most mendacious, thanks to its ground staff.
I too felt that in trees, wind, nature (Castaneda), I felt divine power …
In spite of my violence, children were also like holy beings, so pure, so innocent, so naturally supernatural. and am still amazed and glad about her.
There in Brazil, I met Christians, people I actually loathed, who had something I was so desperately looking for in all my Odysees …
LOVE…
LOVE and trust in yourself …
LOVE and recognition among each other …
LOVE and acceptance to those as lost as me …
And all without hypocrisy, put on religious fussing and constantly damning forefinger. Whenever I asked how to do this, I was referred to the Bible, Jesus Christ and God the Father. Now, on the other hand, I had developed a real aversion and rejected it altogether. This went on for months. I saw her LOVE but did not want her answer.
One evening, I had long ago given up taking the drug, I talked more out of desperation and anger, a kind of prayer …
„GOD IF YOU REALLY ARE … SHOW ME YOURSELF …“
This went on for a while, until almost unbearable. I realized my own mendacity and self-pitying pride …
Then, suddenly awake, I was brought to a throne by an „apparition,“ and I thought I would pass away there forever …Indescribably, how was he who sat on the throne …
Infinitely beautiful,
unlimited authority,
absolutely pure,
incredibly holy,
indescribably majestic and wise …These are words that I find when I try to stammer, as DER was on the throne …
I feared my final end …
Then He handed me His hand, drew me to Him, and said in a voice like thunder, but at the same time like a loving Father:„I love you! The way you are. Despite all the dirt, guilt and failure! I gave my life for you, so that I can show you my love. Do not be afraid!“I can not describe what was going on in me: horror of myself, horror of this reality of this sacred place where I could now be a stain, deep feelings of love, grace, mercy and the HOLY acknowledgment …
It must have taken several hours, there is no time that passes …
… the rising sun dazzled me when I was brought back, but I wanted to stay there for eternity …
One thing I knew exactly:
I will never be alone and without Him … To this day and decades, I can hardly believe it, and often enough I fight with doubt, mostly justified by my way of life …. until that voice in my heart sounds again:
„I LOVE YOU! THE WAY YOU ARE! DO NOT BE AFRAID!“
In the meantime I like to study in the Bible, especially in the New Testament, I still have a lot of BUT .. concerning HIS Ground Staff and what they make of it … but I have found confidence in myself, in my fellow human beings, and above all in HIM!
Firm sure trust.
I wish that to all of you,
a real encounter with the holy LIVING,
who also LOVES you,
the way you are,
no matter where you are,
no matter how you are,
no matter what you say about yourself,
or others think about you …
He tells you:
SEE ME, SO YOU WILL FIND ME!
WHO LOCKS TO ME I WANT THE DOOR TO ME TO ME!
DO NOT BE AFRAID!
I flew back to Germany and went to the police station. I was arrested and taken to the Stammheim Detention Center. Although Stammheim was the safest prison in Germany at that time because of the terrorists who were there, it was very dangerous for me because I had set myself and knew too much. This is not welcome with the other criminals. My life was in the greatest danger.But God is faithful and strong and held His hand over me, which alone was a miracle.
I used to pray daily with the priests caregiver I was with every day. I had a solitary cell and was diligent in studying the Bible and the many good writings he gave me. I wrote letters to all those who were still aware, asking for forgiveness for my actions. I had a wonderful and very intimate time with our Lord and time flew by.
There is a saying of a Russian prisoner:
WITH JESUS CHRIST, PEOPLE ARE FREE IN PRISON, WITHOUT JESUS CHRIST, FREEDOM IS A PRISON!
For what I was accused, I would have expected 3, 5 meters (years). After four weeks, my father visited me (also a real miracle … where we were previously hostile and usually discussed mechanically).
For the first time I saw my biological father crying because of me and understood that he too loved me, but probably could not show it because of his past. He did not ask me to come home so quickly because people were talking and my stepmother was working at the Town Hall. I reassured him and told him it would take a few more years before I could get out.
I have to cut down a lot now, otherwise it will be a book …
When my father left, it was on a Friday at 12 o’clock, things that did not really happen and certainly did not happen in Germany’s safest jail.
In short, I was released from custody in the afternoon due to a mistaken miscarriage of justice. Nobody could charge me more for the crimes. I was a free man.
In the morning, I read in Psalm 107, 10-16 that the Lord smashes open doors and bars, and then says to my birth father, „It will take years …“ and then I am a free man in the afternoon at 4:15 pm.MADNESS!
Can you imagine what a praise, what worship was in me? Yes, what is there in me today?
What a powerful and loving God we have. Nothing is impossible for Him!
I testify and call you:
NO MATTER HOW FAR OUT SHE APPEARS,
GOD IS BIGGER AND HE KEES HIS WORD!
HE IS WITH YOU, HE IS IN YOU,
AND HE IS IN EVERYONE FOR YOU!
No matter what kind of sinful sump you come from,
or in there!Holy, Holy, Holy is the Almighty who has chosen you!
HIM ALL LOB, PRICE, HONOR AND WORSHIP!
Axel Führinger